I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
