whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
is wine microwaveable?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
