Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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