I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
