i already hear my dad disowning me
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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