took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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