so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
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He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
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My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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