ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
