Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
