Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
