DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
