people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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