did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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