What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
