i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
