ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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