Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
