But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
