and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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