I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
