Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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