id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
