You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
