In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
