There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
