ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
