I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
