every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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