Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
ttyl tear gas
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
