is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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