I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Found your dick twin last night
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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