I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
