When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
