I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How does one acquire holy water?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
