I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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