shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
