This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
