i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
