I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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