The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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