Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
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I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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