I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
