Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
