He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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