Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
