took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
