Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
