I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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