And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Randomize
