my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
