You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
