the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
