can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
