He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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