no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
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