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• (416): View more from Toronto

  We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys

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• (949): View more from California

  Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (817): View more from Texas

  Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.

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• (914): View more from New York

  it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.

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• (915): View more from Texas

  Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.

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• (716): View more from New York

  lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.

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