she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
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The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.