i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once