forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school