You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.