There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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