My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
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Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
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What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"