Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
