I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
