But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
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Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
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All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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